The Beautiful Game

Since leaving boyband Blue, Simon Webbe’s solo career has flattered to deceive. Glimpses of promise have given way to long, fallow periods of under-achievement, so it’s no surprise that he recently turned up at Manchester City, where he managed to pull off a commendable impersonation of a commanding French centre half.

But with City’s mid-table ineptitude beginning to reach record levels, Webbe has hot-footed it down to the south coast to join Portsmouth, whose colours will make him feel more at home than the watered-down sky-blue on offer at Eastlands.